Amazon Prime Day – Everything you always never needed

Have you ever walked into a retail store that was liquidating all of their assets? You know all of the big yellow signs that say "Everything 20-30% off!" The best time to go into one of these liquidation sales is when everything is between 10-20% off, because there are TV's, computers, and all sorts of things still available that are slightly discounted. Things you want! Hurray!

Amazon Prime Day was basically like walking into a liquidation sale during the 50-60% off week. All that shit that piles up on the end caps and at the check out lines is in the spotlight and laid out on a table at the entrance. There are maybe two people still working in the store and they're slow and sluggish, waiting for their severance packages. Other shoppers walking around looking at all the doodads and thingamabobs while they sip on their smoothies from smoothie king next door (because no one makes a special trip to a liquidation sale) are getting overly enthusiastic about Tupperware and mouse pads. Big sales are exciting, it's hard to not get wrapped up in all of the excitement of plushies at 10% off and switch blade lighter cover thingies...

You know why I didn't buy anything from Prime Day? Because I was overwhelmed with how underwhelming the whole fiasco was. Even the copy cats like Wal-Mart and Target were so mediocre I was barely whelmed at all.

Anything remotely useful was claimed before I could even get to the toilet. Because I only shop on the shitter. Scrolling through endless single file pages of toys and trinkets to get to the only thing I cared about, a 6 pack of LED light bulbs was more than I could handle. When I finally got to the light bulbs and freaked out over the incredible deal I was about to get I just happen to notice the price was still higher than I could get a Lowes.

All I wanted was some light bulbs, Amazon!

Whatever, I still love you. But damn girl...